Learning to love yourself is not an easy task. There is absolutely nothing in this world that will change your life faster, however, than the kind of self-acceptance that is only possible through genuine self-love.
“Love of self implies love of other,” as Alan Watts once said. So, you can set aside any concerns you might have about self-love being a negative thing. The more you love and accept yourself, the better and more completely you can love others. As such, self-love makes the world a better place.
Self-love is an ongoing process because there’s no stopping point in humanity. Every single day, we experience something that either changes us for the better or that takes something away from who we really are, on a soul-level. The choices we have to make about how we will relate to ourselves and the world around us are never ending.
Once we learn how to start loving ourselves, we must do it again and again and again. We must be constantly upgrading our internal consciousness system with self-love oriented data analysis. We’ve got to pick and chose what we let in and what we allow it to mean to our sense of self-worth and identity.
Today’s post was inspired by the wonderful video below by my friend and colleague, Susan Winter.
It is an excellent reminder of how important it is for us to stop looking into “broken mirrors” and to stop defining ourselves by other people’s false perceptions about who we are today.
To Susan’s wise words, I will add:
When I’m working with clients on improving their level of self-awareness and teaching them how to transform stale (and often destructive) identity beliefs, the issue of “broken mirrors” comes up often.
The past. The past. The past.
Memories of something that happened years ago can become haunting. And that is never so much the case as when you have someone in your life who, for reasons that actually have nothing to do with you, will not let the past die a natural death.
We all change and grow: some of us more than others. And redemption is one of the privileges we all get to enjoy as a benefit of that change and growth. Do not deny yourself the benefits of redemption, and do not allow others to do so either.
Move on from the past as best you can; and don’t concern yourself with other people’s refusal to do so.
You might be thinking, “I’d love to move on from the past! How do I do it?”
Well, it’s a process that takes some effort, but the effort is well-worth the increased self-love and self-acceptance you’ll gain.
Here are some tips to get you started:
If something that happened to you or something you did years ago is still haunting you, the first step is to change your perceptions around the event in question. Change the way you see the entire scenario.
Start looking at what happened from many different angles. Try your best not to judge yourself or anyone else who was involved as you review the mental tapes with a present moment awareness strategic approach.
- Back then, you were dealing with (or not dealing with) what kind of emotional wounds?
- What kind of emotional wounds might the other(s) involved have been dealing with?
- Have you changed?
- Have they changed?
- Is it likely that the same kind of event would happen in your life today? Why not?
Examining what happened before while simultaneously analyzing the whole situation with an awareness of who you are now will change the tape. Scientific research has proven that, every time we recall a past event, we are actually re-creating the memory. And every time we re-create the memory, we alter it either slightly or significantly with our current overall perspective.
You can change any memory by changing the way you re-create it. Putting the memory into a new perspective changes it. Changing the meaning of what happened changes the memory. Adding new context to the memory alters it. Putting the event into the context of a better whole-life-story definitely changes it.
All these changes related to how you remember any past event actual alter the consciousness of the aspect of yourself that you identifies with the memory.
Change the memory, and you change yourself.
So, why is all this important in the context of what Susan so wisely said? It’s simple really. Once you “get right” with who you were in the past (forgiving yourself and others when necessary), it is far easier to love and accept who you are TODAY. It is much easier to come into alignment with your wholeness and to resolve inner conflicts. It’s easier to be at peace with yourself, which changes everything.
And you are made a happier, healthier person because of it.
Loving yourself and accepting yourself, more and more every single day, will change your life. Every single person who has done the work and reaped the rewards will tell you it’s true.
When you love and accept yourself . . .
- You will recognize the “broken mirrors” as other people’s false perceptions and refusal to see you for who you are NOW.
- You will stop punishing yourself for past mistakes, and you will stop allowing others to do so.
- You’ll feel stronger, more confident, and more self-empowered.
- You will no longer engage with what destroys your self-esteem and confidence.
- HAPPINESS WILL NO LONGER ELUDE YOU. And that is, most certainly, life changing!
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