If your breakup is fresh, you need time to heal and get used to being single (not part of a couple) again. Give yourself that time and be good to yourself in the process. Being single precedes being part of a couple.
Until you get the hang of being single, you can never really be part of a genuine couple anyway. That’s why serial monogamists (a group I myself used to be an unwitting member of) have trouble finding and keeping healthy relationships. We must know exactly who and what we are as a person before we can unite with another person in healthy and loving ways. So, being single for a while may be exactly what you need right now.
If, however, your relationship is long over and you’re done with being single, here are a few things you need to know.
There are two aspects of our consciousness that heavily influence our choices and what we energetically attract. The first, and perhaps most important, is our speech. The second is the images we hold in our mind.
Speech is powerful. After all, in the beginning, was the Word.
Speech can be the words we say out loud or the words we think to ourselves (our inner conversations).
When we speak out loud, our vocal cords vibrate (thereby creating a physical vibration in our bodies that affects our vibrational frequency). Life is always responding to (1) our vibrational frequency; and (2) the choices we make (either consciously or unconsciously).
The words we say out loud have a direct affect on us personally and on the people around us, who hear us speaking. They’re also a lot like radio broadcasts that travel through the air waves of Life, energetically attracting situations and opportunities that exist on the same frequency.
Speech is not, however, limited to the words we speak. Speech also includes the thoughts we think to ourselves. Our inner conversations are perhaps even more powerful because we have a tendency to repeat them over and over again. When there’s no one else to interrupt us or to offer an opinion about what we’re saying, we’re free to carry on an inner conversation incessantly.
The words we consistently repeat (to ourselves or to others) fall like torrential rain into the subconscious.
The more often we think a thought, which we always end up speaking out loud eventually, the more deeply ingrained the thought pattern becomes in the subconscious aspect of our mind. Since about 80% (or more) of our behaviors are governed by the subconscious, this is serious business!
Still thinking and talking about your ex?
The more often you think about your old relationship, the longer you keep it alive (in your consciousness and in your energy field). Sure, it may only be a relationship that’s happening in your head now; but, to your subconscious and to Life, you’re still in that relationship.
You can’t move on and love again until you complete the old relationship and let it go.
Your subconscious won’t let you choose a new relationship when it’s convinced you’re still in the old one. And Life can’t move anyone new into your personal reality while your old partner is still taking up most of your emotional real estate. The vibrational energy you’re broadcasting through Life is on the “taken” frequency.
If you’re done with being alone (with only an old relationship in your head and in your life), take hold of your mind and stop entertaining thoughts of the past relationship. And stop talking about your ex to anyone who will listen!
Make room for new love. Allow yourself the freedom to move on.
Holding on to an old relationship keeps you from enjoying love now. The reason we all love love so much is because we enjoy the experience of loving and of being loved in return.
We enjoy making another person smile, and we love it when someone makes us laugh. Doing nice things for another person, showing them how much we care, feels great. Feeling appreciated and being given special attention is wonderful. Of course, we really enjoy sharing affection and having sex with someone special.
Most of all, we enjoy the intimacy of shared life experiences. Every sunrise is beautiful but a shared experience of the sun rising is magnificent.
Loving is something we do. It’s not just something we feel. And, while self-love is an absolute must, loving someone who loves us back is an exquisite experience we all value.
More tips for moving on:
- Forgive and forget what might have been but never was.
- Stop comparing every potential partner to your old partner.
- Avoid analyzing (for the 100th time) what was wrong or what was right about the relationship that used to exist but no longer exists.
- Get comfortable with what exists now, in the present, and just live your life with a willingness to love again.
Remember that what you’re holding on to was (quite obviously) only a temporary connection. Even if it was a sad, wounded, painful connection, it was still a connection; and a strong connection of any kind is always meaningful. Whether the connection you had was beautiful or tumultuous, it’s probably the sense of connection you miss most now.
You can and will connect with a new love, once you make yourself emotionally available.
Oh, and don’t forget about the images you hold in your mind. They matter too! Stop holding images or entire movie reels of the old relationship in your mind. Practice using your imagination to shatter the image, burn it, or let it drift into the sky (or into space).
If that doesn’t seem to work, redirect your focus immediately to your present environment. Instead of letting your mind wander down memory lane, get off at the NOW exit and take a good look around.
These are consciousness abilities that are yours to use. Use them and manage your mind well. You have a choice. You can stay stuck in an old relationship that brings you no comfort now or you can move on, start living your life again, and open the door to the unlimited possibilities that await you.